Needing "Alone" Time

Let me first start off with the fact that I absolutely love being a mother and wouldn't change that for the world. In fact I can't imagine life without little Josiah in it! We laugh and play and give baths and laugh and play and eat and have a good time. BUT I need time to myself! I need it more than I have ever needed it in my life. Josiah is always going to be ever present in my thoughts, however, it would be nice to have a break from the responsibility. This makes me feel guilty sometimes. So much so that I don't just take Josiah and hand him over to Dan and say "I need a break." I just hold onto him until Dan has the forethought to come and get him because I need a break(which for some reason he doesn't have very often...why can't they just read our minds). I feel that if I take Josiah to Dan, that I am neglecting Josiah, or that I am not being a good mother, that I can't handle my own child. A true dilemma for me! I assume that most women go through this, but maybe I am alone here.

This needing time alone is such a new concept to me. I am an extrovert through and through, but now I crave time alone. And I don't mean time alone when Josiah is taking a nap and I am trying to clean the kitchen or do laundry or whatever household chore needs attending to. But the alone time when I don't have to think about anyone but me. Kind of like "It's all about me" time:) And I don't mean 3 hours a day or anything. I mean 3 hours a week would be great. Now let me just step back and say that I do get alone time when Dan takes him here and there. But I always feel that when Dan takes him I need to be doing something housewifish (not really a word I know, but you get my drift). What I mean by along time is time when Dan has Josiah and I don't have to think about anything but me. For example last Sunday, I declared that I was going to have alone time. I fed Josiah and hten handed him off for the next 2 1/2 hours. I got out the foot spa, nail polish remover, foot scrub, lotion and nail polish and gave myself a much needed and much appreciated pedicure while watching my two favorite shows (Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy). I was in pure heaven. I felt so completely rejuvenated that I didn't even mind when Josiah decided that he needed to eat a half an hour before my 2 1/2 "alone" hours were done. I had finished my toes and I let them dry while I nursed him:)

So we went through the week and I took Josiah just about everywhere with me again this week. I even ended up taking him to MOP's (Mother's of Preschoolers group) on Friday night because he was going to need to eat right in the middle of the meeting. I figured I could just take him to the nursery and nurse him during the meeting. Well this plan went fine until he started to scream while he was nursing (gas pain's because I had eaten beans for a couple of days in a row...won't make that mistake again). So I had to leave the meeting for 20 minutes to feed him, and I didn't feel like I had gotten away at all. I resented the fact that my "alone" time was interupted. Next time, Josiah will get a bottle from dad. It is just so new to me to leave him home and to be able to give him a bottle, that I didn't even think of it and Dan didn't think to suggest it because I haven't done that yet. So the learning curve is steep right now, but we will eventually get this all figured out, just in time for new curve balls to come at us:)

Then I was really looking forward to some alone time tonight, since last week it worked out sooo well. We didn't get home until 9:45pm and he had to eat at 10:00pm, which was ok since Grey's Anatomy was on and I didn't mind nursing while watching my show . But I had expected to hand Josiah off afterwards. I even got him to sleep so Dan would just have to attend to him if he woke up. However, Dan and I hadn't discussed my plans and he came up to bed at 10:30pm, only 5 minutes after I got Josiah to sleep. And, yep you guessed it, all the commotion woke Josiah up. So now not only was I not getting alone time, but I also had to get Josiah back to sleep if I wanted to get anything done that I was going to do in the first place. He finally made it back to sleep after 11:00pm and here I am ranting about "Woe is Me." Tears were shed and I feel jipped big time, but posting this definately helped.

This is the first "Woe is Me" post I have had in a long time. I will probably post a few more, just so that people know that we are doing the same as all the other new mom's out there. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows all the time. There are tough times and I have definitely had my share of them like any new mom, I just haven't felt like sharing them yet. The focus has been on Josiah for a long time, as it should be, but now I am going to share in the limelight:) (as it should be).

This is probably my longest post ever!!! But sometimes everything you want to say can't be said in a nice concise little blurb with a cute little picture. Don't get me wrong, there will definitely be more cute little pictures to come, but I think there will be more "other" stuff too:) Thanks for listening to me rant and I hope that I really do get some alone time in the near future, but I won't be afraid to create the time if I really need it (which I do)!!!!!

8 Weeks Old

I can't believe that he is 8 weeks old already!!!

(Don't you just love the matching outfits!!! My sweatshirt was a gift from Julie, Dan's mom, and Josiah's outfit was a gift from Kathie, my stepmom. It was a perfect day to wear fleece outside, so I thought it would be fun to get a picture of us while we were dressed so cute)

I know people always say that time really flies with little ones, that they grow so fast and continually change before your eyes. They weren't kidding. I can't believe how much Josiah is changing and growing. We are having so much fun together and I am learning his cues for when he is tired vs when he is hungry.

I weighed Josiah on my scale yesterday to see how much he weighed and he weighed in at a healthy 13 lbs!! I can hardly believe it!! My little boy isn't so little anymore...but he still is little though. We love snuggling. I hear that I need to be grateful that I have a snuggler and enjoy it while it lasts:) And that I do, I make a conscious effort to appreciate the snuggling time we have together.

(My Little Angel that God Let Me Snuggle With)

Some fun things that Josiah is doing:

-He is really starting to talk alot. We can tell that he is definately using his vocal chords now and trying very hard to mimic us. Dan even has him saying Goo. It is hilarious to see Josiah when Dan says Goo to him....he just smiles and laughs and tries to say goo back. Tooo cute!!!

-For me he smiles and talks the most when I am singing "Do Lord, oh Do Lord" to him. It almost sounds like he is trying to sing along with me:) What a little genious;) heheheh

-He is standing up almost completely on his own. It truly amazes us. We don't have another 8 week old baby to compare him too, but it is hard for me to believe that most babies are standing like he is. Part of me wants to encourage it, just because I want him to be strong so we can brag:) But part of me wants him to stay little and not grow up to be big and strong:)

-He has discovered the ceiling fan:) He can sit for almost a half an hour and just watch the fan.

All in all, we are all doing well and having fun with our little bundle of joy!!! It has been 8 weeks of trials and smiles, learning about Josiah and learning about ourselves, of learning how a baby really does change everything, but in an awsome way!!!

Overnight at Beth's

We went to Beth's and spent the night on January 25th and we had a lot of fun. But man did I have to bring alot of stuff with me for just one night. I had to bring the bassinet to sleep in, the portable swing to play in and his tub to take a bath in, plus diapers, wipes, clothes, the boppy and the list goes on. I always took alot of stuff everywhere I went, but now it is just plain crazy:)

We watched the MSU vs UofM basketball game, which kind of sucked because we lost, but it was funny to see Josiah watching TV. He got soooo excited when the crowd was cheering and yelling. To funny!!

Beth and I also did some foot printing with Josiah. I am making a quilt for Dan's best friend, Jeremiah and Kelly (So Jeremiah if you happen to read this, please don't tell Kelly:). The theme for their babies room is hands and feet, so I thought it would be cute to make them a quilt with Josiah's hand and feet. Well the hands are impossible to do at this age, because they always have them clenched, but we did get his feet. And it turned out just adorable. He just sat through it and hardly ever fussed. He loved having his feet cleaned off in the warm water though:)

Josiah definately knew we weren't at home, but he did pretty good overall and slept through the night, which is all that matters:) But we had a great time and would do it all over again!!!

Baby Carpenter Arrives

Dan's best friend from high school, Jeremiah and his wife Kelly, welcomed into the world their first child today. We are soooooo excited for them and can't wait to get our little people together:

Baby boy!!!

Brayden Wesley

Weight: 8 lbs 4 oz

Length: 22 inches

Born: January 24th, 2006

Time: 12:10pm

We are so very excited and can hardly believe it!! Brayden was actually born on his due date!! That doesn't happen very often. Maybe that means that he will always be on time throughout his life:) Camping sure will be fun with two boys only 1 1/2 months apart running around. We still can't believe how crazy it is that both Kelly and I got pregnant and had our babies within 1 1/2 months of each other.

All these boys!!!! Oh what fun they will have together!!

7 weeks old already!!!

Our big boy sits up all by himself (with a little help from dad and a suede blanket)

Dan is convinced that Josiah will be crawling or walking in the near future. This little guy seems sooo strong!!! At any rate he sure is a cutey!!!

I just can't get over how fast they grow!!! This outfit is one that I just picked up from Old Navy. it is a 3-6 month outfit...which makes me a liitle sad. I knew he was going to be a big kid, but I want him to stay little:(

All are doing well though. Noone is sick and we hope to keep it that way!!! Josiah is eating and sleeping well still, which means that mom and dad are also sleeping well! We are so truely blessed

Go State!!!

We gotta start em' out young if we want to have any kind of influence over em'!!!

Our Smiley Little Guy

(Ya gotta love it when he throws his head back laughing, just makes my heart melt to see him smile at me...every time)

We are doing great at home together!! We have a lot of fun just being silly and singing silly songs, it's like we have no cares in the world when we are having quality time together. Josiah sure brings out the inner child in me. I just love singing all the little kid songs and playing silly games with him.

Not alot new has been happening lately!! Although he did have his first real tears last Friday! It just about did me in. I decided I would let him cry it out like the books say, so I let him go for 6 minutes and by the end of those 6 minutes he was absolutely histarical! So I went out to pick him up and lo and behold there were tears running down his cheeks...and of course you know what happened next...yep, you got it. Tears running down mom's cheeks!! So we have decided to take a little snipit from both major philosphies on raising babies: we are going to keep him on a schedule for feeding (unless screaming and can be consoled by no other means) and do demand snuggling:) He is such a snuggler!!! And I know that we will probably have troubles with him sleeping later on, but I have to tell you that by snuggling him at night to get to sleep, he seems to sleep much sounder and for longer.
Last night he slept for 6.5 hours (7 hours between feedings)!! Kind of by accident. I woke up at 2:30am and put his pacifier in and then again at 5:00am (which is when he was supposed to eat). But I was soooo tired that I just stuck the pacifier in and the next thing I know it is 6:00am and he went to bed at 11:30pm. So we got a great night sleep last night, but I had to wake him up at 6:00am to feed him because my body was telling me that he needed to eat or else I would explode:). He is such an awsome baby! I know that we have been blessed 100% with a good sleeper and I try not to take it for granted, because I know that not many are half as lucky!!

6 Years and Counting

Happy 6th Wedding Anniversary

January 15th, 2006

MILESTONES

6th Year Anniversary: We went to Applebee's in Charlotte and had a very nice dinner. We actually counted the night out with grandma and grandpa babysitting as our big celebration since we had a babysitter. But we still had a nice time going out to dinner (even with the kiddo). We are looking forward to many, many more years.

Started our Family: Dec. 2nd, 2005 we welcomed Josiah into our family

5 year Anniversary: Went to Disneyland

Married: January 15th, 2000

Engaged: February 12th, 1999 (Heather snuck in a proposal with a ring and all the day before we were planning on shopping for a ring:)

1st Date: Aug. 1998 to see the movie "Ever After"

1st Kiss: Aug. 1st 1998

(A picture from before we were married. We love to be silly!! May that always be a theme in our marriage)

How Big are you?

I'm soooo Big:)

We went for his 1 month check up on January 10th to find out just how big Josiah was!!! And he is definately a big boy:) He is in the 90-95% in height, weight and head size! We grow em' big here in the Johnson family:)

Weight: 11lbs 1 1/2oz

Height: 23"

Head Size: 15 7/8"

At Birth

Weight: 9lbs 3oz

Height: 22"

Head Size: 14 1/2"

So he is definately growing! The doctor seemed pleased with his progress...and so are we. I can definately tell he is getting bigger though. Does anyone have any recommendations for back issue associated with breastfeeding breasts slash 11lb babies. I got a bra extender, but having to wear the bra around the clock is creating alot of back pain.

Night Out!!

Dan and I got dressed up and headed out on the town without the kid! For a Christmas present, my mom and Bob came down and babysat and gave us a night out. So Dan and I headed out to Caraba's! Awsome food! The best part is the bread and olive oil with herbs and spices that comes out before the meal. I had my first glass of wine in over a year...so that was pretty nice!! After dinner we went to the movies. We both agreed on the movie we wanted to see: "Chronicles of Narnia; The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" I thought they did an incredible job holding true to the book. I highly recommend both the book and the movie!! When we arrived at the movie theatre, we ran in to our friends Kari and Tommy, so that was fun:)

But by the time the movie was over I was anxious to get back home, so we didn't stick around to chit chat. Dan had stopped me from calling home in between dinner and the movie because he said they would be expecting that. I should have called, because with a half an hour to go in the movie my mind was pretty preoccupied with wondering how he was doing. I should know better...I need to just listen to my maternal instincts...I would have enjoyed the movie all the more and been able to stick around and talked with Kari and Tommy. But that's the way things go!! Overall we both had a really nice time though!! Once I called and found out things were good at home, I relaxed, but I was still anxious to go home and cuddle with him. That was the longest I had been away from him.

If you would have told me a year ago that I would have that strong of feelings about leaving him, I would have laughed, but it comes with the territory of motherhood!! I am sure that every time will get easier. I hadn't even thought that Dan had already dealt with leaving him, because he had already gone back to work...this was very new to me. All in all we all survived:) And will continue to go out on our own and out with him with us:) We won't let having a child restrict us to our home...I would go nuts!!!

(Grandma and Josiah snuggling...I think they had a good time, don't you?)

Jesus Loves the Little Children...

I know these pictures are a bit blurry, but his is so wiggly when he is smiling and laughing. they are still tooooo cute though!!

He is smiling so much these days especially when we sing to him....I think that is when I feel the closest to him is when I am singing and he is smiling and making cooing sounds back to me:) It has built such a special bond between us.

He loves the Itsy bitsy Spider...but I have changed the words a little and I think he likes my way much better:

The itsy bitsy spider went up Josiah's back
Down came the rain and washed the spider flat
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain
And the itsy bitsy spider went up his back again!!!

But his all time favorite song is

Jesus loves the little children
All the Children of the world
Red and Yellow
Black and White
They are Precious in his site
Jesus Loves the Little Children of the World

Josiah Has Fun with First Babysitter;)

(I am such the new mom...I even took my camera so I could get a picture of his first babysitter)

Josiah did really well with Katie! Apparently he was really good and never fussed (that's my boy). As soon as I got there though, the little stinker started to fuss...I hear that is pretty common that the children are always little stinkers when their mom is around!! Oh how young they start this. He never cries when Dan is changing him and I can't change him fast enough. I wonder why this is!!

The one good thing he did do is poop while at with Katie. He was saving up too. It had been almost 2 days since he pooped and I think he filled his pants good..but he did it again when he got home (at least he feels free to poop wherever he is...I hear it is no fun not being able to poop except at home).

I was at the dentist while Katie was watching Josiah. While my teeth were being drilled, I felt my milk let down at exactly 3 hours since his last feeding. That made me miss him and it also made me panic because it was at that point that I realized I had turned my cell phone off and there was nothing I could do about it. Then again there really wouldn't have been anything I could have done anyway...not like I could have left mid drilling:) At any rate, both Josiah and I survived the first of many babysittings to occur over the next many years.

Tonight Grandma and Papa Weaver are coming to babysitt, so that Dan and I can have a night out on the town. We are both really looking forward to this!!! I have been pumping and getting milk ready to go so that we don't have to feel rushed at all. Josiah is doing so well with the bottle, which makes is so much easier leaving him with other people. I know he won't go hungry and that is definatley a relief and eases my mind.

( We are so proud of our big boy...already holding the bottle on his own...ok so Dan did a little propping of the bottle and spread his fingers out, but he held it long enough for me to find the camera and take the picture. Dan sure was proud though...he even told me to make sure that I got this one posted on my blog:))

Another First

(These are Josiah's 1 month pictures, only taken a couple of days late:)

Today is a big day for me!! I am going to leave Josiah in the very capable hands of my friend Katie. I have left him alone with my mom and Dan's mom for very short periods of time, but this is the first non-family member I have left him with. Plus this is the first time that he will need to get a bottle.

Oh yah, another first: Dan gave him a bottle for the first time on Tuesday night. I went shopping with Katie and her friend Brandi earlier in the day and got some good advice about bottles. It was as if he didn't even notice that the food wasn't coming out of the same source...good, because now we can leave him with a sitter for longer than 2 hours) and bad, because he is growing up to fast already (I even cried a little...those darn hormones are still hanging around) He ate like a champ though and came right back to the boob later that night and repeated all this the second night, so I dont' think we have anything to worry about. I think he just loves to eat and will get it however it comes!! Men!!

The Dentist:(

Over the holiday's I broke off one of my back teeth...grrrr!! So frustrating! We don't have dental insurance and it is unbelievable how much it costs to get a tooth fixed. But there is no getting around it...the tooth broke off in such a way that it cuts into my tongue and the temporary fillings are not very good. I have already had to replace it 3 times (but I am thankful that there is such a thing that you can buy in the store for $3 (at Target).

So I made the dreaded trip to the dentist yesterday to find out what the damage was and it is going to cost us almost as much to get my mouth up to date as it did to have a baby and spend 4 days in the hospital. Something just isn't right with that picture. How in the world can dentists get away with charging so much for spending so little time in their office? Dan has a whole in his tooth and won't go in because he gets so outraged when he thinks of how dentists simply take advantage of people. I have 4 cavities to get filled on top of the broken off tooth, so at $100 a pop for the fillings and $700 for a crown, plus $75 for the initial visit and another $75 to get my teeth cleaned we are looking at $1250. Unbelievable!!

On a brighter finincial note: once again God knows the plans he has for us!! He knew that we would have a large dental bill coming up. We got our bill for the labor and delivery and it was only 10% instead of the 20% we anticipated:) God is good...All the time!!

Josiah's 1st Photoshoot

Once again Christy has outdone herself. We had a lot of fun with this photoshoot. But boy was he mad when we first started out:) It was a bit cold for him (he loves laying in by the woodstove and being all snuggly warm all the time) and it turned out that he was hungry (dinner time came right in the middle of the shoot). Once we resolved those two things he mellowed out and Christy was able to get some awsome pictures. The photographs where he was really mad are just as cute, but I thought I would post the ones where you could see his face:) He is just two precious and Christ was truly able to capture that in these pictures!!! We are soooo blessed by this little guy. Josiah is absolutely a Miracle!!

Happy Birthday Josiah

Mom, Dad and Josiah are finally home! We have been gone for over a week (1/4 of Josiah's life), but we are glad to be home. We had a wonderful visit at Grandma and Grandpa Weavers for Christmas and Grandma Johnson's for the following week. In order to give a proper update on Josiah, I thought I would do a list of baby 1sts:

Finds thumb: 12 hours old
Noticed web toes: 2 days old
Holds head up on own: days old
Can stand up: days old
Drinks from a cup: Dec. 5th (3 days old)
1st outing: Dec. 6th (out to dinner with Mike and Mindy Richmond)

Sleeps through the night: Dec. 7th (5 days old) and continues to do so a month later:)

Lost umbilical cord: Dec. 8th (got pulled off by his onsie...oops..looks good now though)

1st Dr. visit: Dec 8th (21 1/2 inches and 8lbs12oz)

1st time to church: Dec. 11th (9 days old)

1st big smile while awake: At church (9 days old)

1st bath: Dec. 12th (with Grandma Weaver)

1st smile in response to voice: 2 weeks old (smiled when mom was singing to him)

1st time to find his own hands: Dec. 15th (2 weeks)

1st bath with dad: Dec.21st (2 1/2 weeks)
Starts to grab ahold of moms shirt: Dec. 22nd (3 weeks)
Starts to laugh when smiling: 3 1/2 weeks
1st road trip alone with mom: Dec. 23rd (3 weeks)
1st time to roll over: Dec. 24th (3 weeks)
1st photoshoot: Dec. 24th
1st trip to the U.P.: Dec. 26th (3+ weeks)
Finds his voice and realizes he can scream and people will respond: Dec. 29th (4 weeks)
Can stand up and hold head up well at the same time around 4 weeks
Holds up head well from birth...very well by 4 weeks
Can follow mom and dad around the room by 4 weeks

1st day home alone with mom: Today! We just relaxed and sang some songs this morning. Then he got a bath and I fed him. He was awake just looking out the window for about an hour and now he is out cold...which is why I can finally update my blog:)