Last Saturday I was really down and just wanted some time away from my house and everything in it...the responsibility and the mess. I just needed some time where I didn't have to worry about what time Josiah was to go down for a nap or when he needed to eat or how to entertain him (which he does really well by himself these days)...but still I just wanted me time. And I hadn't had it for quite awhile. So I called Mindy to see what she had planned for Sunday and we made a date to go for a walk and get icecream.
So I went to bed with the hopefullness that this was just what I needed. I would go for a walk with a good friend, we would chat and get icecream and I would come home fully rejuvinated.
I get Dan all set to take Josiah for the day and I head out with many expectations. Mindy and I went for a great walk, we got icecream and had some great chats. We came back to her place and watched a movie and then it was time to head home. I had a wonderful afternoon. Unfortunately it wasn't the cureall that I had hoped for. I still felt unbelievably sad when I left. So I went to Taco Bell thinking that my favorite food would help. But I was almost in tears by the time I started eating my taco. By the time I got to my carmel apple empanada ( which I was sure would make me feel better) I was almost histerical with tears and I had to wait until I got home to eat it. At this point I didn't know what to do. I was driving home tears streaming. I was going to stop at one friends house in my way home, but couldn't bring myself to stop. Then I was going to call another friend, but I knew they were going through troubles of their own. I was going to call my mom, but I didn't know what to say and I had this crappy feeling that I shouldn't be feeling the way I am because I had everything in life. I have a wonderful husband an incredible little boy who loves me unconditionally. I have a roof over my head and we both have good jobs. So why in the heck was I feeling so crappy. I did finally get ahold of my Stephens Mininster (who had been assinged to me when we first moved here) but she was up north and wouldn't be home until really late.
The person that came through for me in the end was my dear husband. He knew when he saw me walk through the door that I wasn't do well. I went right up to the bedroom and laid down and he just laid next to me and hugged me and didn't say anything. He just waited for me to talk if that is what I wanted. I finally talked to him and he listened, he didn't try to fix my problems that I was having he just listened. It was exactly what I needed. What a guy!
On Monday, I decided to take Josiah to Day Care and take the day for myself with no one home. It was the best thing I could have ever done. On my way home from dropping him off, I passed the cemetary and I was pulled in. Very strange, but it was a draw I couldn't ignore. So I pulled in and found a place to park and started to walk. I walked very slow and read the names on the grave stones. I came across several baby head stones and it really put into perspective what a blessing Josiah was. It helped me remember that Josiah was a gift to me to take care of and no one can take care of him better than mom. But others can still take care of him when I need time for myself. I had such an uplifting walk that morning, that I came home and started to clean my house. I had so much energy for the first time in months I think! It was wonderful.
The best part of last week was when my mom came down on Thursday to help me really clean my house. I had started to pick up things and put things away that needed to be put away. But when she got here we tackled some major projects.
- We rearranged and cleaned out the master bathroom. When i can post pictures again I will make sure to post them.
- We went through the many many tubs of clothes that I have (summer and winter skinny, summer and winter thin, winter now and maternity clothes).
- Plus we went through all of Josiah's clothes and moved him up to the next size clothes.
- We cleaned my bedroom and rearranged some furniture. It was so amazing the difference it made to move the furniture arround. It also inspired Dan to get going on finishing some projects in the bedroom. We put the bed back up this weekend (which hadn't been up since before Josiah was born) and he finished the trim on the windows. Our bedroom looks so wonderful now.
- We did a thorough clean of Josiah's high chair (which he made a mess of that night with spaghetti:) and some of his toys.
By the time my mom left Dan and I were so inspired to keep cleaning and getting htings done that I haven't stopped much to anything else:) Except nap on Sunday of course!!! So thank you mom for giving us the motivation and help we needed to get a handle on our house. I love being in my bedroom and bathroom. It is a haven from the rest of the house. I just hope I can keep it like that for a while.
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